The New Jersey Jungle

Set out at dawn for a nice run along the Princeton canal. The heavy mist rising off the lake made everything wispy and mystical, and the new spring leaves smelled good after a night of rain.
Little did I know I was about to enter into an epic battle of Man versus Nature.


The first thing I noticed was the abundance of geese. Canadian immigrants, these ugly birds are a common nuisance. They make noise and shit all over the place, but are harmless enough. Or so I thought.

The first one came running at me and landed a glancing blow on my right thigh with its beak. More surprised than anything, I kept running. The goose, joined by its chums, pursued. This ridiculous spectacle continued for 50m or so, at which point the geese declared a moral victory and returned to shitting and honking.

A mile or so further down the canal, I came to a large puddle blocking the path. I swerved into the grass on the side to avoid it, requiring me to jump over a large log. As I was about to leap, the log suddenly stood up and jumped into the water, causing me to do a little half-side-leap-triple-axel-stumble-type thing.

I had stumbled on a beaver! Having never been so close to one, I didn't realize they were so big. Really more the size of a dog than a pussy cat.

On the way back the geese were waiting for me. Their leader, a big brute of a bird, took a running start and came flying directly at my face. Fortunately, I have some experience dealing with aggressive birds (chickens, cockatiels, budgerigars, pheasants, turkeys) and this time I was ready. As the beast swooped in to peck my eyes out I knocked him out of the air with a satisfying right hook. But the fucker was not deterred! Launching back into the air with surprising agility he came at me from behind so quickly that all I could do was turn and slap at him awkwardly. Managed to fend him off again but not before the creature boxed my ears with its powerful wings.

In short, I'm lucky to be alive. Next time I'm bringing a big stick.