Gusto confuses virture for gusto

Ate at new place Gusto with N-dog last night, after failing to get a table at Merkato or Soto. It is meant to be Argentine (which we like), organic (which we like), and low-key (which we often like).

But we no like. The place is nice, spacious but cozy. They are very excited to explain to you how virtuous everything about the restaurant is. The water is "99.9%" pure. The chairs are sustainably harvested. Flowers blossom in the wake of the waiters as they pass, which are then harvested, compressed in poultices, and sent to orphans in Darfur. But they seem to have forgotten that virtue does not taste very good.

Pizza was wheaty, soggy, and bland. The empanadas lacked grease, spice, salt, and soul. The best thing was my strawberry smoothie (to which I was forced to resort after discovering they did not have a liquor license yet) but even this was pretty boring. I was interested in the concept of iced mate, but when I learned it was literally just cold mate tea--which sounds absolutely disgusting--it was confirmed for me that this place has no concept of gusto at all.

I think they know this in their hearts. The (attractive!) waitstaff and owner were uber-solicitous, handing out complimentary gooey pastries and constantly asking how we like the food, almost apologetically.

Bottom-line: sanctimonious hippies are just squares by another name.